The Third Time

This is the third time.
The third time I told myself "I might be able to fall in love".
The third time I created hope for myself.
The third time I reached a girl's heart (or at least attempted to).
The third time I let a girl believe that she should have strong feelings for me, even though I've subconsciously forged these feelings myself.
The third time things didn't work out like I hoped.
The third time I completely failed to understand the female mind.
The third time I was surprised by how quickly I was able to move on.
The third I realized how much of an asshole I must have been for making it seem like they meant more to me than they really did.
And even though my brain is only capable of putting things in perspective after they're done, this is the third time I've really disliked myself for it.

This is, however, the first time I feel like it's necessary to take the time to apologize for my behavior. To apologize for my mistakes and flaws. Each one of you is wonderful and deserves someone whose love is true (and each one of you is smart enough to know that).

My fourth time will probably still come in the future. I feel like it's inevitable. Hopefully, my mind won't play these tricks on me again, because I'd like to treat the next girl that I'm with, with sincerity.

Guess who's back...

Well, It's been a month since I said goodbye to blogger.... and yet it seems like such a waste to just leave this. It's my own place on the internet, where nobody's  thoughts and opinions but mine have to matter. It's my way of telling people things about me, without having to tell them, keeping me safe from confrontations, awkward situations and outspoken judgment. Why would I give that up?

I'll probably only turn to this blog in times of boredom, and I know that besides myself and maybe two of my friends, no one will read this, but that doesn't matter. The reason for me blogging is not because of its 'popularity', but because I can share my feelings, without facing consequences during everyday life.

So has anything new happened this month? 

Erhm... well... I lost my girlfriend, gained some weight and I'm doing more weed. Not the best list I suppose, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm enjoying life, and I'm living it just the way I like it. (Until school starts back of course).

I had an excellent holiday in America. I didn't do shit, but I just loved being there. The food was delicious, the entertainment (TV and bootleg DVDs) was more than adequate and the company (my beloved family) was great. I just wish I could drink over there. A nice beer would've made the Texan heatwave more bearable.

Anyway, I'm starting to write too much now (according to me, and only me). So I'll leave you with 3 songs that I can only hesitantly say are my favorites (since I haven't taken every song in history into account). I'm not linking the video's to the songs, because I feel you should know them by now. If you don't know them, it's not necessarily your fault, but it damn sure is a shame.

1. John Legend      -      So High
2. Jamie Foxx        -      Heaven
3. Stevie Wonder   -      My Cherie Amour

I think I'm done

Well, blogger seems to have lost its popularity, hasn't it. I hate to admit it, but it appeared to be a little trend, which I have followed, up to the point that I was trying to be different, just like everybody else (haha @ irony). However, I'd like to think that the reason I stopped blogging, is that my life seems to be a lot better now. I've slimmed down, I have a girlfriend (one that I truly want to be with this time) and my grades in school are better than ever. I don't really have any complaints left, which was probably my inspiration for blogging in the first place. My life has changed for the better, and I think that the blogging did help me doing so (for instance, it's how I met my current gf).

So for what it's worth, Thank you blogger!

And here's a little song that I love (for the heck of it)

First

It's been several weeks since I last posted anything on here. I was waiting for something new to happen. Now there has.

The news?

I've been in my first relationship ever. It only lasted ten days (including a test week at school), but that's not the point. The relationship itself isn't even really important here. I've known the girl for a while, and we were pretty good friends, and so we tried to take it a little step further. However, since neither of us actually felt 'love', she saw no point in continuing this. I myself have no problem with a loveless relationship, as I don't think teenagers are responsible enough to handle a commitment like 'loving somebody' in the first place, but I seem to be alone with that opinion. I agreed to the 'break-up'. Nobody should be with someone else if they're not completely comfortable with the situation. If a girl is looking for 'love', I'm probably not the right guy for her now.

I'm still very happy that this "bf/gf" thingy happened though. Why? Two reasons (one shallow, one self-involved)

1. For about a week, I've been able to kiss the lips of what I consider a beautiful girl.
2. I now know that girls can be attracted to me, and that I don't have to be alone.

The first reason is pretty obvious, for every breathing heterosexual male would like to kiss beautiful girls. No further explanation needed. My other reason is just my newest ego-boost. I don't have to worry about finding the 'right' girl, before I can get into a relationship. I can have a lot of fun before even thinking about reaching that stage (which is definitely what I prefer). This little, and for some people, obvious fact might let me be a little less shy around girls, because I know that I can be attractive to some of them anyway. Also, I can have relationships with girls, without worrying about love, and without getting hurt when breaking up. (and yeah, that's a positive thing).

Some people say "you say this now, but when you find love, just the thought of breaking up will make you want to cry". Well, that's exactly the reason I don't want to find love now. I want to experience more in life, before sticking to that 'one person'. I want to experience more people.

If you disagree, please comment, I'd like to hear from whoever reads this shit.

yours sincerely,

Daniel (a.k.a Tigga, Tiggy, Tigga nigga, Tigga love, Mr. Tigglywinkles, Benji and Youtube)

HEY!! I feel Good

I'm feeling surprisingly happy lately. I don't know why. Nothing in my life that I can think off is something you can call a 'joybringer'. I am trying to improve the overall quality of 'me' though. For instance, I've started to do my 'exercizes' more often and I have lost a little weight doing so :)

Also, I occasionally play soccer these days. This is not just beneficial to my overall health, but it's also a chance for me to see my friends after school (which is nice, because I don't see them a lot during school anymore, since I got held back a year). It is also convenient that I have become quite fond of the sport itself.

Maybe it's the sun that has changed my mood. God knows when the last time was that I could walk outside without a coat on. Even though I have my hay fever to worry about, I still prefer the sun over the typical Dutch cold weather. It's probably the most obvious cause for me being (relatively) happy. There is still plenty in my life that could change for the better, but this new mood of mine can help me be patient.

HEY!!

Milestone

Lately, I have been working on something important to me. Not homework, not even girls. All the effort that I was able to put into something was put into this:  Liking my singing voice.

Instead of trying to develop my singing voice to what others might like, I've been working hard to appreciate my own voice, in order to give myself a little ego-boost. One of the things I have learned from watching all the stand-up comedians making their jokes, is that 'self-esteem' is one's appreciation of him/herself. Katt Williams was the one who brought that up. I shouldn't have to wait for other people's approval in order to start liking parts of 'me'. I am who I am, and I will be who I am for the rest of my life. The best thing to do, is to be glad about the good things in me and to stop constantly doubting myself. 

This doesn't mean that I will be performing any time soon. I'm going to quote a good friend of mine here.

"The world isn't ready for a voice like mine".

For now, I will be the only one who wants to hear me sing, and I'm fine with that. Maybe later on, people will want to hear a voice like mine. Certain things just take a while. I'm sure that the talent in the video below hasn't always been appreciated either.

...

My thoughts... they're gone.

My head... is empty.

My mind.... is clear.

Am I tired? Am i stupid? Am I done?

Have I reached some state of 'zen', which disables me from thinking about anything whatsoever?

My days are boring and filled with trivial activities, that I could easily do without. I could stare at a wall for over an hour, and waste the same amount of time that I normally do looking at internet sites. Neither of those require any effort on my part, seen as my brain just stops working as soon as I plug in my laptop. Even writing this is nothing more than a time-filler for me, as I cannot concentrate on my economics, and I needed to find something to distract me.

There are two extremes (in my eyes). On one side, there are people with rich lifes. After a day of school, they do sports, work or practise some form of art. In the weekends, they go out and enjoy themselves. They're hardly ever bored and always seem to find something to do. On the other side, there's me; the laziest bastard I can think off. A life that consists out of relaxation, procrastination and power naps can only be labelled 'poor'.

I need to do something, but that's where the lack of motivation comes in. It used to be so much easier. "Hey Daniel, you have to go to your gymnastics training", "Daniel, it's time for you to go to work" and "Daniel, we're going to play soccer outside, come with us". I just followed instructions. Now, I'm supposed to make the instructions. I don't know if I can. I hope I'll learn.