Lately, in an effort to understand myself better, I have been trying to analyse some of the dreams I have been having recently. They're nothing alike, but that's the challenge. Trying to find some sort of pattern in different scenes. My most recent dreams included activities such as snowboarding, falling, diving, a hotel and a waterpark. Nearly all of those have contradicting meanings.
'Falling' generally means that you feel lost in your life. You have strayed from your path and you don't know where to go from here. 'Diving', however, means that you have found a comfortable situation, from which path you do not wish to stray. These dreams weren't the same night, but I still doubt that my state of mind changed that much overnight, without any significant alterations in my life.
The weirdest dream though, which confused me the most, was the one with the hotel and the waterpark. The hotel stands for your desire to change your scenery. This would apply to me if I had indeed strayed from my path (whatever that might've been). Then comes the waterpark part. That means that I'm absolutely comfortable with my situation and have no, I repeat, NO desire to change my scene. What made it more fucked up, was the fact that these two contradicting dream phenomenon were attached to each other.
What exactly does this mean. Am I just really confused at the moment (even though I don't experience a lot of confusion when I'm awake)? Or does the whole 'stuff that happens in dreams symbolise your state of mind' thingy not apply to me? I actually hope it's not the latter, because the only thing I like about dreaming so often, is the idea of being able to analyse myself further and further.
I think I'll just stick to being confused :S
06-01-2011
03-01-2011
What's new?
What have I done in 2010 that is worth remembering?
Let me think...
I got held back a year.
I got my first kiss (pretty late age, but oh well).
I started smoking these last weeks (trying to stop now, before I become an actual addict).
I played guitar on stage with a band for the first time.
I made a new friend through blogging (yay).
I can't really think of anything else right now. I hope 2011 is more exciting. It should be, I'm turning eighteen this year. I know it sounds pretty immature, but actually I hope that I'm going to do some excessive partying, drinking and wreckless driving at that age. In the future, this might prevent me from having a pathetic midlife crisis. I don't want to be acting like an adolescent when I'm over thirty and have a few children. (optimistic future, right?). Not sure that will happen though.
Let me think...
I got held back a year.
I got my first kiss (pretty late age, but oh well).
I started smoking these last weeks (trying to stop now, before I become an actual addict).
I played guitar on stage with a band for the first time.
I made a new friend through blogging (yay).
I can't really think of anything else right now. I hope 2011 is more exciting. It should be, I'm turning eighteen this year. I know it sounds pretty immature, but actually I hope that I'm going to do some excessive partying, drinking and wreckless driving at that age. In the future, this might prevent me from having a pathetic midlife crisis. I don't want to be acting like an adolescent when I'm over thirty and have a few children. (optimistic future, right?). Not sure that will happen though.
24-12-2010
Look closer
This is another post about my kind of music, I'm afraid. I'm actually just going to include three songs in this post. These songs are the main reasons that I like the pretty popular artists who made them, even though the songs themselves might not be so popular.
The first one is 'Right Hand' by T-pain. Many people love T-pain, but I know plenty more who dislike him and his use of autotune. This song is one of my favourites by T-pain, which is the reason I will keep listening to him, in the hope that he will make more songs with the same overall quality.
The next song is by Ludacris. Even though I dislike what he is doing nowadays (e.g. collaborating with Justin Bieber, to gain popularity), I still enjoy listening to songs like 'Do the right thing'. It shows that he IS capable of sending a 'right' message. However, I won't deny that his popular songs are about drinkin, clubbin and sex. Ah well...
My last song is by Nelly. To be honest, I don't know a lot of people who listen to him, but I reckon he is still pretty popular. The song is called 'N dey say'. Again, I like that he tries to bring a better message across than usual.
That's it for today.
Once again, I don't mind people not listening to any of it.
The first one is 'Right Hand' by T-pain. Many people love T-pain, but I know plenty more who dislike him and his use of autotune. This song is one of my favourites by T-pain, which is the reason I will keep listening to him, in the hope that he will make more songs with the same overall quality.
The next song is by Ludacris. Even though I dislike what he is doing nowadays (e.g. collaborating with Justin Bieber, to gain popularity), I still enjoy listening to songs like 'Do the right thing'. It shows that he IS capable of sending a 'right' message. However, I won't deny that his popular songs are about drinkin, clubbin and sex. Ah well...
My last song is by Nelly. To be honest, I don't know a lot of people who listen to him, but I reckon he is still pretty popular. The song is called 'N dey say'. Again, I like that he tries to bring a better message across than usual.
That's it for today.
Once again, I don't mind people not listening to any of it.
20-12-2010
Fighting boredom!
Even though I'm one of the laziest people that I know, I actually hate the fact that I have nothing to do. I've made a simple decision today. There's not going to be a single day of this holiday, that I have stayed inside the house alone all day. Even though the decision is simple, I'm having trouble drawing up a schedual.
So what can I do to prevent myself from having nothing to do? Not sure, to be honest. The snow makes it hard to make nice plans. In addition, my plans have to involve more than a mere walk around the block. I guess I'll just have to start visiting old friends or something.
What if they are all busy that day? Well, I'll just have to find something else to do. Go out in Amsterdam, perhaps. Even if I'm lonely there, I won't be locked up in my room, and I'll still have a relatively good time. Right now, anything seems better than spending each and every day looking at my screen, wishing I had someone to speak with.
As I said, I made this decision today. So what is it that I have done today? What is it that has driven me to this point?
This afternoon, I went outside of my house, initially just to post some christmas cards. However, after inserting them into the mailbox (of which the opening has been reduced to prevent kids from sticking fireworks in there), I kept on walking. I didn't feel like returning to my home, whatsoever.
I walked to the station in Weesp, where I remembered that I didn't have the money for any desirable destination. Instead, I looked up an old friend from my primary school, who lived right next to the station. We spent hours laughing, reminiscing and playing video games. This was the most fun I had for days. I don't expect every other day to be just as exiting, but I just can't go back to sitting in my room, choosing between sleeping or making homework.
If you decide to comment, I would like to know what your holiday plans are, just for the heck of it.
P.S. On my way home, I recognised Joram walking with (what I assume is) his girlfriend. I liked how they looked together. That was just something fun I felt like mentioning.
So what can I do to prevent myself from having nothing to do? Not sure, to be honest. The snow makes it hard to make nice plans. In addition, my plans have to involve more than a mere walk around the block. I guess I'll just have to start visiting old friends or something.
What if they are all busy that day? Well, I'll just have to find something else to do. Go out in Amsterdam, perhaps. Even if I'm lonely there, I won't be locked up in my room, and I'll still have a relatively good time. Right now, anything seems better than spending each and every day looking at my screen, wishing I had someone to speak with.
As I said, I made this decision today. So what is it that I have done today? What is it that has driven me to this point?
This afternoon, I went outside of my house, initially just to post some christmas cards. However, after inserting them into the mailbox (of which the opening has been reduced to prevent kids from sticking fireworks in there), I kept on walking. I didn't feel like returning to my home, whatsoever.
I walked to the station in Weesp, where I remembered that I didn't have the money for any desirable destination. Instead, I looked up an old friend from my primary school, who lived right next to the station. We spent hours laughing, reminiscing and playing video games. This was the most fun I had for days. I don't expect every other day to be just as exiting, but I just can't go back to sitting in my room, choosing between sleeping or making homework.
If you decide to comment, I would like to know what your holiday plans are, just for the heck of it.
P.S. On my way home, I recognised Joram walking with (what I assume is) his girlfriend. I liked how they looked together. That was just something fun I felt like mentioning.
13-12-2010
Concrete
Something that I have realised over the years is that I'm not a deep person. My thoughts are obvious conclusions and not insightful at all. Even though that might make this blog less attractive to others, I'm actually fond of it. It's also something that I appreciate around me.
For example, the music I listen to is mainly hip hop. How often do you hear people complain about rappers bragging about their money, cars and jewelry? Even though I prefer the story-telling hip hop, I can also enjoy listening to people who can clearly tell me what they live for, albeit material possessions.
Also, the fact that I'm not insightful whatsoever, is reflected in my favored choice in media. I love television (and I don't use the word 'love' very often). To see the images on the screen is much clearer for me than to read words, for they give you space to think, which I don't do well. While books often inspire to think about ideas and the meaning behind the words, I usually wind up getting stuck on a simple word like 'tree'. My mind starts forming images of different trees and tries to place one of them at the scene, therefore disabling me to think about the things that actually matter.
I am not a deep person. That is my message.
For example, the music I listen to is mainly hip hop. How often do you hear people complain about rappers bragging about their money, cars and jewelry? Even though I prefer the story-telling hip hop, I can also enjoy listening to people who can clearly tell me what they live for, albeit material possessions.
Also, the fact that I'm not insightful whatsoever, is reflected in my favored choice in media. I love television (and I don't use the word 'love' very often). To see the images on the screen is much clearer for me than to read words, for they give you space to think, which I don't do well. While books often inspire to think about ideas and the meaning behind the words, I usually wind up getting stuck on a simple word like 'tree'. My mind starts forming images of different trees and tries to place one of them at the scene, therefore disabling me to think about the things that actually matter.
I am not a deep person. That is my message.
12-12-2010
Just sharing
I don't have anything relevant to say, so instead I decided to let you hear some music I love. All three of the songs that I have chosen are hip hop songs, so I will not be offended if some of my readers decide not to listen to them.
The first song is 'the instrumental' by Lupe Fiasco. I love this rapper because he is great in writing stories in his songs, rather than just bragging about his money and material possesions.
The next song is 'Roses' by Kanye West. This is the kind of music that prevents me from being annoyed by the guy. Not only do I like the message in his lyrics, I also enjoy the melody and the whole gospel thingy going on for the greater part of the song.
The last song is 'Dance' by Nas. I have to admit that this is different from the music I usually love from Nas. However, it never ceases to bring at least one tear to my eye. Not just because of the strong mother-son relationship that he tries to explain, but also because of the simple fact that he sings the chorus himself (and I have never heard Nas sing anywhere else).
That's all folks,
good night
The first song is 'the instrumental' by Lupe Fiasco. I love this rapper because he is great in writing stories in his songs, rather than just bragging about his money and material possesions.
The next song is 'Roses' by Kanye West. This is the kind of music that prevents me from being annoyed by the guy. Not only do I like the message in his lyrics, I also enjoy the melody and the whole gospel thingy going on for the greater part of the song.
The last song is 'Dance' by Nas. I have to admit that this is different from the music I usually love from Nas. However, it never ceases to bring at least one tear to my eye. Not just because of the strong mother-son relationship that he tries to explain, but also because of the simple fact that he sings the chorus himself (and I have never heard Nas sing anywhere else).
That's all folks,
good night
06-12-2010
You're not the best
Criticism; how do you handle it? I actually enjoy being criticized (to a certain extent). I feel glad when other people care enough about me to help me improve myself. So to be specific, I’m referring to constructive criticism, not ‘make me wish I’m dead’ criticism. If you pick your words carefully, you could be very helpful to others. Also, you could stop people from making a fool out of themselves. Whenever I see these strange talentless people on Dutch talent shows like ‘Popstars’, I feel bad for them, because obviously they don’t have anyone who said “Dude, seriously, you can’t sing, don’t go there and humiliate yourself. I know you, and you don’t want to end up crying like a baby on national television”.
If somebody asks me a serious question, I will give them a serious answer. Sometimes, this might hurt your feelings a little, but I still feel that it is better than to mislead you. When I lie (and of course I lie sometimes, who doesn’t?), I’m going to make sure that it can’t end up hurting you in anyway.
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