Future plans

What the fuck am I going to do with my life?

I’ve been fearing this question for it seems unanswerable to me. Sure there are a few things I would like to do later on in life, but if I’m completely honest with myself, none of those things seem attainable. Not all of it is as farfetched as wanting to be an astronaut or a self-made millionaire, but they’re still out of my league. A few examples on which I will expand:

-          Local performer in cafés or diners (when I say local, I mean Amsterdam).                     

-          Psychologist

-          Actor/comedian

To become a local performer you would probably need a few things in advance. The first thing would be talent. As I have stated before, I’m pretty much mediocre at anything I try, so I wouldn’t be the lead-singer and I wouldn’t be playing the lead-guitar, but I would make a nice background vocalist/guitarist. My plan would be to find myself a café in Amsterdam, which hosts my style of music (which I haven’t defined yet). There I would wait until I saw a talented solo performer who could actually use me in his shows. That way we could become a duo, and I would have an occupation and a meaning in life. This seems somewhat attainable, but if I would add ‘becoming famous, rich and loved’ I would be overreaching.

Psychology (it’s annoying how many times I spell that wrong) is still one my interests. I’ve been told many times that you need biology to study this. However, recently a friend of mine told me that you would only need biology to become a psychiatrist, as you have to study medicine as well. So maybe, there is still some hope of me going to university. The only issue I have with it is that I might end up feeling superior because I have studied people’s behaviour and can anticipate certain thoughts and actions. This would not only make me an annoying human being, it would also make me look ridiculous, as I am in no way superior to anyone. I have a ton of flaws. I am even proud of some of them, like being the sick bastard that I am (thanks Kylian!). Knowing how sick my mind can get, actually helps me separate the wrong from the right. The fact that I think about stuff, doesn’t mean I act upon those thoughts. Anyway, feeling superior as a psychiatrist is not necessarily what happens. It’s more of an idea I got from a well known sitcom, but who’s to say that there is no certain truth behind it?

Ok, I guess the actor/comedian profession is about as farfetched as being a self-made millionaire, but still… I can fantasize, can’t I? To be an actor, you need to be able to act (no shit Sherlock =P). The thing is, I always think I can act, but I probably can’t. There is no effective way for me to test it, so later on in life I will probably wind up at some auditions. The most realistic scenario is:

-          I step into the room

-          They welcome me and say “Lets start this dialogue”

-          I grab my booklet and read the lines without showing any emotion.

-          They look uncomfortable and say “That was enough, thank you. NEXT!”

-          I leave the room, knowing that I shouldn’t have come.

-          This will not however prevent from trying again at the next audition.

Being a comedian requires one skill: making others laugh. The only people who laugh at my jokes are my friends. Unless the whole audience consists of my personal friends, I think this profession is not the right thing for me. So what the fuck am I going to do with my life?

I have no clue, whatsoever.